TREASURE MASTER? MORE LIKE TREASURE MASTER OF CRAP! GET IT?

 Judging from the cover, I believe this game was made in the ‘90s.

Judging from the cover, I believe this game was made in the ‘90s.

I’m sure I rented this video game purely out of curiosity when I was a kid, and was quick to realize what a horrendous mistake was made.  I can’t put into words what the goal of Treasure Master might be, because I could never get past the first few screens before it dawned on me that I had no idea what to do.  Without an instruction manual, you’re completely lost, left to explore and try just about everything before you sigh heavily with frustration, switch off your NES and turn on a very special episode of Doogie Howser.

 The giant magnet may or may not be helpful.  Don’t worry, the instruction manual is of no use.

The giant magnet may or may not be helpful.  Don’t worry, the instruction manual is of no use.

Treasure Master was actually designed as part of a gaming contest in the early ‘90s, wherein participants had some sort of time frame to beat the game and eventually make use of a password to unlock some sort of bonus level.  Upon beating the entire game plus bonus level, another secret code becomes available that just might qualify the lucky few (I stress the word “few”) for any number of fabulous prizes, which in the early ‘90s probably meant a Macintosh, Schwinn bicycle or a trip to Nickelodeon Studios to see a taping of Clarissa Explains It All.  Wikipedia mentions one of the prizes as being a Fantasy Rock Concert; one can only envision which has-been the game’s creators dragged out from retirement to fulfill this obligation.

The only redeeming factor is the music, which allegedly makes use of the old Starsky & Hutch theme.  It sounds OK, but isn’t nearly enough to save Treasure Master from spiraling into the catacombs of Suckville.  If anyone out there can attempt an explanation of how to play Treasure Master, I could care less.

Carry on.